Building Blocks for Social Development in Young Children
“When five-year-old Eli walks into his preschool classroom, his eyes light up at the colourful blocks scattered across the floor. Today, he’s planning to build a spaceship — but not just any spaceship. This one will need to carry everyone in his class on an intergalactic adventure.
At first, Eli grabs blocks as fast as he can, stacking them high, thinking only about his creation. But soon, he notices his friend Maya reaching for the same red block. Eli pauses. He’s not sure how to share, or how to let someone else’s ideas into his plan. With a deep breath, he hands her the block, and together they start building something even bigger and better than Eli had imagined.”
This small moment is full of lessons about social development.
Through Eli and Maya’s play, we see how children learn to share, negotiate, regulate their emotions, and collaborate — all while having fun. Social skills aren’t just taught with rules or reminders; they grow naturally through experiences like these, one playful interaction at a time.
Social skills are a cornerstone of childhood development. They set the stage for friendships, learning, and navigating the world with confidence. But social development isn’t just about teaching kids to “be nice” — it’s about understanding the building blocks that allow children to connect, communicate, and collaborate effectively.
Skills at the base of the pyramid are foundational for the skills stacked above them. Just like building with blocks, each layer supports the next — and when something is missing at the bottom, it can make the higher-level skills harder to develop and maintain. Taking the time to support children to build these skills from the ground up helps create a stronger, more stable foundation for social success. When children are given opportunities to develop each layer at their own pace, they are more likely to engage confidently with others, navigate challenges with greater ease, and experience smoother, more positive social interactions.
Here’s a breakdown of key areas that support social growth in young children:
1. Learning as Part of a Group
Children learn a lot by being part of a group. Early experiences in playgroups, classrooms, or family activities help children observe, imitate, and practise social rules. Learning in a group fosters a sense of belonging and encourages children to understand their role within a community.
2. Cooperative and Collaborative Play
Sharing an imagination — whether building a fort, playing pretend, or creating a story together — teaches kids to cooperate. Cooperative play encourages turn-taking, problem-solving, and working towards a shared goal, which are foundational skills for friendships.
3. Perspective Taking: Knowing How to Share Space
Young children gradually learn that others have their own needs, desires, and feelings. Sharing space, toys, and attention helps children practice empathy and respect for others, which is essential for smooth social interactions.
4. Perspective Taking: Self-Regulation in a Group
Social situations often require children to manage impulses, wait their turn, and respond appropriately to others’ emotions. Developing self-regulation skills helps children navigate group settings successfully and reduces conflict.
5. Perspective Taking: Cooperation and Negotiation
Children learn that achieving shared goals sometimes means compromise. Negotiating, making decisions together, and resolving disagreements teach valuable social problem-solving skills.
6. Language and Cognition
Language is the bridge to social understanding. Children who can communicate their thoughts, feelings, and intentions effectively are better able to form friendships, express needs, and understand others. Cognitive skills like memory and reasoning also support understanding rules and social cues.
7. Central Coherence
Central coherence is the ability to see the big picture and understand how individual actions fit into a social context. Children who develop this skill can interpret social situations more accurately and respond in ways that make sense to others.
8. Theory of Mind
Theory of mind is the ability to understand that others have thoughts, beliefs, and feelings different from one’s own. This helps children predict how others might act, respond empathetically, and navigate complex social interactions.
9. Executive Function
Executive function skills — including planning, flexible thinking, and self-control — are critical for social success. They allow children to adapt to changing situations, remember social rules, and make thoughtful choices rather than reacting impulsively.
10. Joint Attention and Joint Intention
Sharing attention with another person on a task or object, and understanding shared goals, are foundational social skills. Joint attention supports learning from others, while joint intention builds collaboration and teamwork from a young age.
11. Imitation
Children learn a lot by observing and imitating others. Copying gestures, language, and social behaviour allows children to practice skills before they are ready to use them independently.
12. Attachment and Emotional Engagement
Secure attachment with caregivers provides a safe foundation for exploring social relationships. Emotional engagement helps children develop empathy, trust, and confidence in social settings.
13. Individual Self-Regulation
Finally, the ability to regulate one’s own emotions, attention, and behaviour underpins all social interactions. Children who can manage frustration, excitement, or disappointment are better equipped to play, share, and form meaningful connections.
Bottom Line:
Just like Eli discovering how to share blocks, listen to his friend’s ideas, and build a spaceship together, social development is a layered process. Each of these building blocks — from cooperation to self-regulation — helps children connect, collaborate, and thrive. By supporting them through play, conversation, and guided experiences, we give children the tools to grow into confident, empathetic, and socially capable little humans — ready for all the adventures life has in store.
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Tricia Lerk
Paediatric Occupational Therapist
Director, Planted Parenting 🌱