Tricky Transitions: Making the Move From Here to There
Sometimes the hardest part isn't what comes next. It's getting there.
“Time to go!”
You’ve said it three times.
Your child is still playing with the LEGO.
“Shoes on, please.”
Nothing.
“Come on, we’re going to be late.”
Suddenly there are tears. The LEGO gets thrown. Someone is lying dramatically on the floor. You are questioning every decision that led you to this moment.
Sound familiar?
Transitions can be surprisingly tricky for children. And while it can look like they are simply refusing to move on, there is often a lot more happening underneath.
Moving from one activity to another requires a child to stop what they are doing, shift their attention, manage their emotions, organise their body, remember what is happening next and get themselves started on something new.
That is a lot of brain work.
These skills are closely connected with executive functioning — the mental skills we use to shift attention, inhibit impulses, hold information in mind and manage ourselves through everyday routines. Research into children's executive functioning and occupational routines highlights just how much these skills contribute to successfully navigating everyday activities.
And the harder the transition feels, the more support a child may need to make that mental leap.
Not all transitions are created equal
Some transitions are easy.
Bath → pyjamas → story → bed.
The routine is familiar. The steps are predictable. The child knows what is coming.
Other transitions are much harder.
iPad → dinner.
Playground → car.
Grandma's house → home.
Favourite activity → handwriting.
The bigger the emotional gap between the two activities, the harder the transition can feel.
Imagine being completely absorbed in something you love and suddenly being told:
“Right. Stop. We're doing something else now.”
Adults don't always love that either.
For a child who is still developing the ability to shift attention and regulate emotions, that change can feel enormous.
So rather than thinking, “How do I get my child to transition?”, it can be helpful to ask:
“How can I make the transition easier to move through?”
Build a bridge, rather than expecting a leap
One of our favourite ways to think about transitions is to imagine them as a bridge.
Instead of:
Favourite activity → something difficult
we can sometimes create:
Favourite activity → small bridge → something difficult
That bridge might be movement, a job, a song, a game, a predictable ritual or something interesting to look forward to.
The goal isn't to distract a child from the transition forever.
It's to give their brain and body something to do while they make the shift.
- Give them a job
A transition becomes more purposeful when a child has something to do.
“Can you carry the library bag?”
“Can you take this note to your teacher?”
“Can you be in charge of locking the door?”
The destination stays the same, but now there is a job to focus on along the way.
- Give them something to hold
A small fidget, toy or object can provide something tangible during the transition.
Even better, give them something that has a purpose at the destination:
“Can you take this picture to show your teacher?”
Now they're not just leaving one place. They're taking something to the next place.
- Make it a game
A little play can soften a tricky transition.
“Can you spot three red cars before we get home?”
“Let's see if we can find a dog.”
“Do you want to hop like a frog or stomp like an elephant to the car?”
Connection and play don't have to disappear just because it's time to move on.
- Offer a choice
The destination might not be negotiable, but sometimes how we get there can be.
“Do you want to lead or follow?”
“Do you want to go first or with the group?”
“Do you want to walk, hop or march?”
Small, genuine choices can give children a sense of control within a transition that they didn't choose.
- Create a transition ritual
Predictable rituals can help signal that one activity is ending and another is beginning.
It might be:
-
- a countdown
- a particular song
- ringing a bell
- carrying a key to “unlock” the next room
- a special goodbye
- the same phrase before getting into the car
The ritual becomes a familiar cue:
“This is what we do when we're moving from here to there.”
- Build in movement
Sometimes the transition itself can include movement.
Try bear walking to the bathroom, carrying something to the car, marching down the hallway or doing a few animal movements before sitting down.
Movement and rhythm-based activities have also been studied in relation to children's self-regulation and executive functioning, although individual children will respond differently.
- Give the transition a soundtrack
A familiar song can help signal that it's time to move from one activity to the next.
“This is our pack-up song.”
“This is our bedtime song.”
The music creates a predictable cue, helping soften the mental shift between activities.
Sometimes the song isn't about getting them to move. It's about helping their brain know what's coming next.
- Give them something to move towards
Instead of focusing on what they're leaving — “Stop playing. We're going.” — give them something to look forward to.
“Let's take this to show your teacher.”
“Can you drive your car to the therapy room?”
“Let's see who we can find when we get there.”
Shift the focus from “You're leaving this” to “You're going somewhere to do something.”
- Add a medium level activity
Moving from a favourite activity straight into a challenging one can feel like a big leap.
Try adding a medium-level activity in between to create a bridge.
iPad → throw and catch → homework
Playground → water fountain → car
Play → animal walk → therapy
Screen time → carry the plates → dinner
It doesn't need to be another big activity — just a small step that softens the jump from one thing to the next.
Think about the stairs
Think of a transition like walking down a staircase. When a child is moving from something they love to something they find challenging or less enjoyable, the jump between the two can feel enormous. Rather than expecting them to make one big leap, we can add a few smaller steps along the way — perhaps some movement, a simple job, a familiar ritual, or even a short, enjoyable activity. We're not avoiding the destination; we're simply making the journey there feel more manageable.
The goal isn't perfect transitions
There will still be days when the transition falls apart.
Your child will still sometimes yell, cry, refuse, run away or dramatically collapse onto the floor because you asked them to put their shoes on.
That's part of being human — and part of developing these skills.
The aim isn't to engineer a transition so perfectly that your child never struggles.
It's to notice:
Where is the tricky bit?
Are they struggling to stop?
To shift attention?
To know what comes next?
To leave something they love?
To get their body moving?
To cope with the sensory demands of the next environment?
Once we understand what makes the transition difficult, we can change the environment or the transition itself rather than simply asking the child to try harder.
Because sometimes the child doesn't need more pressure to move.
They need a better bridge to get there.
And that is where we can start.
From an OT perspective
Transitions are an everyday occupation, and they draw on a whole collection of developing skills — attention shifting, planning, working memory, emotional regulation, motor organisation and flexibility.
For some children, particularly those who experience differences in sensory processing, attention or executive functioning, these demands can be much more noticeable.
Supporting the transition isn't “giving in”.
It's scaffolding a skill while it is still developing.
And with enough repetition, predictability and the right supports, those little bridges can gradually become skills children can carry with them.
Sometimes the path to “Let's go” starts with making the journey easier.
—
Tricia Lerk
Paediatric Occupational Therapist
Director, Planted Parenting 🌱